The Motley News

Super-models-in-Training Finally Learn How Capitalism Works!

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“It’s like we’re just products and not even PEOPLE!”
cries Yvonne, “plus-size” America’s Next Top Model contestant. She’s on the phone with a friend from home. She’s starting to question her place in this season’s ANTM, wondering what the point of all of this is. . .

Yes, that’s right. America’s Next Top Model is back and it’s a “College Edition!” Young beautiful women from all over the country are getting another shot to throw away their lives and education on mindless pursuits. Going to MIT? Fuck that noise! Learn how to strut in stilettos!

As you may already know, Tyra Banks is an expert on all things Higher Education. After all, she’s a Harvard graduate. She carefully scoured the nation’s college campuses with the same enthusiasm as “Girls Gone Wild’s” creator Joe Francis. What she came up with is heartbreaking but mostly entertaining. Because aside from all the snark, I’m still watching this show!

Anyway, you can read about Yvonne’s stats on ANTM’s website, the most superficial stuff though. Because they don’t give the models’ last names or what they’re studying in their respective schools. You know, information that would reveal their HUMANITY. What I do know is that her favorite movie is Harry Potter. (Another note: If Yvonne is plus-sized, well then fuck, there’s not hope for the rest of us! But that makes for another blog post, now doesn’t it?)

Yvonne’s sudden awareness of how the modeling industry works and in turn, how capitalism works is. . . hopeful. She hit the nail right on the head. Women in the modeling industry are products, not people. They are meant to be purchased and like most old appliances, once they’ve lost their use, they are easily expendable.

Will there be a revolt on the show? A ‘We are the 99%’ sit-in’? Now, ma’am, I doubt it. When you sign up for a show like this, you should probably know what to expect. Yvonne might be devastated that they sent her home (yep, she’s gone) but I’m relieved. She sounds like she still has some sense and we’re all allowed to make mistakes, right? Just go back to school, Yvonne, take some Women’s Studies courses, read Feminine Mystique. . . and all of this can go away.

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Author: Charish Halliburton

Writer and Editor for The Motley News

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