The Motley News

Sweating is the Pits

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Women don’t sweat, we GLOW!

You’re heard that, from some old bitty who still wears white gloves to go to the airport. I’ve heard it from my husband after one of my workouts. Shrugging away from his embrace, I warn him. “Watch it, I’m sweatin’ my tits off.” But he tries to convince me how much I’m glowing. But make no mistake about it, when Noah works out, he sweats like a prostitute in a church.

Why am I not allowed to sweat? I run (sometimes), I perform manual labor and I get nervous. These activities make a normal person sweat. I consider my functioning human body a normal one. I don’t just perspire or glow like a lightening bug, I sweat.

But sweating females aren’t attractive. We do our best to hide our sweat and the smell that comes along with it, with anti-perspirants. They stop the process of sweating (that society maintains doesn’t exist for women.)

But the problems I have with anti-perspirants:

  • The white circles on my shirts. Sweat mixing with white powder anti-perspirant makes for a weird white paste that sticks to your armpits and shirt sleeves. When do you apply? Before or after you put on your black t-shirt? Whatever. This eventually happens though:
  • Like other health and beauty products, I’m concerned with the ingredient listing. Anti-perspirants have ingredients that I can’t pronounce. The active ingredient, Aluminum, may or may not be dangerous to breast tissue. The jury may still be out on that. If it is or isn’t, I don’t feel like taking chances with my health.
  • They still don’t seem to work! I’m still sweating! 

If my body is supposed to sweat, and I believe it is, why am I so obsessed with keeping it a secret? My suspicions about women not allowed to sweat were confirmed when Noah and I took a trip to Target to buy deodorant.

He was in and out. He found his manly man Old Spice stick and was ready to go. I, on the hand was still stuck in my “women’s” section trying to avoid the anti-perspirants. Was there any brand that offered just DEODORANT?? Knowing that I was still going to sweat while wearing anti-perspirant, I at least wanted something that didn’t make nasty white blotches on my shirts. Those pit stains are impossible to wash out!

I walked over to the “men’s” section and saw that they had OPTIONS. Men could choose whether they wanted to “not sweat” or “sweat and smell okay.” Why?

Because as the handsome Old Spice man tells us, “Men do manly things! They build orphanages from abandoned driftwood with their bare hands! They break in wild horses,  fight fires and still find time to make sweet passionate love to their lady friends!”

When I told Noah this, he laughed and replied, “Isn’t it a little unrealistic to build anything from driftwood. Doesn’t seem stable at all.”

Hope was not completely lost during that shopping trip. I ended up purchasing this: Tom’s Long Lasting Stick. It was all the way at the bottom and more expensive than Secret and Sure. For about five dollars, I thought I’d take a chance on something readable, aluminum-free, and apparently the people of Tom’s treat their workers fairly. Great all around.

After using it for a couple weeks, I can honestly report that I really like the product. It’s just a stick of deodorant, but it promises everything on the packaging. After a long day of work, I still smell fine. I still sweat a little, but that’s fine, it’s not leaving white paste on my shirts.

It’s well worth the price and it allows to me to do what all human beings do: Sweat.
Sweating regulates our body temperatures on a hot and active day. If we didn’t sweat to cool our bodies off, we’d almost certainly die of heat-stroke.

 Remember that the next time you see a commercial starring an embarrassed sweating bridesmaid standing next to her best friend bride. You can tell that she’s craning her neck to sniff her pits without being noticed. The mortified look on her face should make you feel sorry for her. She’s fighting hard to repress what her body is suppose to do, but to no avail. Maybe she’d feel better if she were a man who is allowed to build skyscrapers with his bare hands. Out of driftwood.

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Author: Charish Halliburton

Writer and Editor for The Motley News

2 thoughts on “Sweating is the Pits

  1. I have to try that one! Thanks for posting this!

    Like

  2. You're welcome! If you don't want paste, give it a shot!

    Like

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