The Motley News

Put Your Fuckin’ Brassiere On!

5 Comments

Note: This is a reminder that you are much more normal than the women in commercials.

If you’re not quite convinced, let me invite you to watch this one.

The young lady twirling around in her bra, unable to decide: “Tits in, tits out?” Is getting on my last nerve. I’ve been indoctrinated with this Aerie commercial for the last month because my husband and I watch a lot of Hulu.com. Every commercial break includes this short piece of insanity.

Finally, I turned to my husband and cried out in frustration, “I’ve never seen someone so goddamned happy to put on a fuckin’ bra on, in my life!”

He was a little taken aback. But he slowly nodded. “Yeah, I guess I hadn’t noticed. I just keep seeing her over and over. . .”

He doesn’t even notice! The boobs keep getting clasped and unclasped to create magnificent cleavage and he just sits through it, mind unmolested. While I, on the other hand, am angry that this young lady’s perky rack is so small and cute. I’m angry that her biggest concern is “How do I get more cleavage?”

You wanna know what life is like with my bras? Well for one thing, I’m constantly losing them. Whenever I take them off, I drop them on the floor and go straight to bed. There are bras in the bathroom, the living room, the guest bedroom and my bedroom. It Noah is bothered by some annoying light waking him up in the middle of the night, he will use one of my bras to cover it up.

I don’t twirl around in my bra in front of a full-length mirror in my Manhattan loft. Nor am I grinning as I shove my breasts together with a front clasp. This girl looks like she’s just canceled “Ladies Night” in favor for her bra! “No, I can’t go to the concert tonight. Yes I know Josh will be there. I don’t know care. What am I doing? I’m just . . . experiencing pretty.” I would reconsider such a friendship.

Aerie’s motto is: “Pretty goes with everything.” And I guess that makes me a little angry as well. Stop asking me to spend more money on pretty things. Stop threatening my comfortable existence by making me doubt my prettiness. And I suppose it’s a size issue as well. This woman represents a very small population of women. Where are the other women, who look a little more like me?

Remember this model, who did a commercial for Lane Bryant? The ad was banned on several networks because it’s was just a little too sexy. You can see the problem with that, right? The ladies of Victoria Secret and the Aerie “Airhead” are constantly attacking us with their tiny waists and awesome cleavage, but when this REGULAR SIZED young woman flounces around her loft, it’s just a little too provocative! The nerve of her!

Okay, well I’m done with the rant. I’m off to find a bra to twirl around in!

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Author: Charish Halliburton

Writer and Editor for The Motley News

5 thoughts on “Put Your Fuckin’ Brassiere On!

  1. Lmbo, yes it is unrealistic. They are trying to get us to think that having the wrong amount of cleavage will mess up our day. However, that is in a world where no one else has any or very little troubles. That's the problem with the skinny models. They create a party around a figure that is not normal and does not represent most women. But, the image is constantly placed in front of us as normal. It leads some to bend over the toilet seat. Crazy! Next time you see this commercial, be sure to crack up lol

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  2. The best part of The Bra is taking it off at the end of the night. Ah . . .

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  3. You are right about that, my dear. I'm taking mine off as we type.

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  4. I'm in no mood for that commercial today. I won't have it! I'm dealing with a period bloat that feels like I've gained 20 extra pounds. My breasts are HUGE today and squeezing out of every bra I own. I'm in such a piss-poor mood, if I see that skinny bitch on the street, I and a group of friends will jump her “Irish Mob” style. But enough of that, thank you for always reading, 1BlessedNatural. You're much more level-headed than I!

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  5. lol, I got you! You're welcome 🙂 Thank you!

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