How Do You Make a Shirley Temple?

So your girl, Charish, has a job. It’s not the one I thought I would have moving all the way out here, but I have it, so I’ll deal with it. I’m “bartending” at a cafe that sells mostly sandwiches and coffee. For now, I’ll keep the name to myself.

I put bartending in quotes because the bar situation is a little less than ideal. Not many patrons know that this coffee shop has an alcoholic bar in it. This makes my job a little hard. You can mostly call me a barista. But last night was my time to shine. The cafe hosted a rehearsal dinner for a cute couple getting married and I was to man the bar all by myself!

Can I tell you the first mistake I made? Wearing my FOF (full-on-fro) I was sweating like mad while I was prepping my bar and by the time partiers rolled in, I was practically washing the rocks glasses with my sweat.

The second mistake I made: Not knowing how to make a Shirley Temple. In the melee of older white women ordering nothing BUT white wine. I had one little girl and her mother ask for a Shirley Temple and my mind blanked. I could tell you what’s in a White Russian, a Cosmo, an Old Fashioned, a Blowjob, and a Red-headed Slut but for some reason this non-alcoholic beverage eluded me. I had to ask the girl’s mother how to make one. It was embarrassing for me and my ethos as a “bartender”.

The third mistake I made: Not keeping enough chilled white wine. For some reason I thought I was actually going to MAKE drinks that night. I couldn’t keep up with those “Red Hat Society ” ladies fast enough. I’d open one bottle and finish it off in seconds. I’d turn around to the fridge and find it empty. Trust me when I say, you don’t want to cross these ladies when they’ve had a luke-warm Pinot Grigio. Mind you, it was my fault. I didn’t know my audience well enough.

But I made it through the night. I broke the bar down, cleaning it as efficiently as possible. I counted my tips: Nothing in the jar. It was an open bar and people literally took it as that. I did make $40 for the night because of the automatic 20 percent tab for food and drink, split amongst three servers. I guess I made it out okay for a five hour shift.

We’ll see how the next engagement goes, but for now, remember: Keep the Pinot Grigio on ICE!

Shirley Temple Recipe:


1/4 cup lemon lime carbonated beverage
1 1/2 tbsp grenadine
1 maraschino cherry

Combine ingredients in a highball, stir, garnish and enjoy.

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